This transcript has been lightly edited from the original recording to ensure that the intended meaning is conveyed as clearly as possible. Note that Hmm, Mmm, Ahh, and … signify places to pause, and to feel into yourself and what is being said. Comments in [square brackets] are editorial explanations rather than part of the message.
The New Love · Session 12
Homecoming
With John McCurdy and Romana Aniya Ercegović, channeling their souls
Romana Aniya: Hello dear friend, and welcome to this last session, the last meeting together. It's been truly an honor to travel with you together on this journey within!
Today, we are going to bring everything together, and bring ourselves home.
John: Yes, indeed!
Welcome to this final session of The New Love, this amazing class we've put together. It has taken us to places we didn't expect, and continues to.
For this final session we're going to have an experience, so we invite you to get comfortable.
Breathe a little bit.
You might hear some sounds in the background here, of water running. It's because it's raining here, and it's running down the roof and down the gutter and making sounds in our little home here in the mountains. So just let that be part of the background for our experience.
Romana Aniya: Sacred waters.
John: Sacred waters, indeed!
Romana Aniya: Of cleansing and blessings.
John: [getting a little teary]Yes.
You might see us getting a little teary here and there, a little choked up, because what we are doing here is so profound, so special, so deep!
We invite you to join in, to let the tears flow if you feel them.
Ah, humans tend to resist crying so much, and it's one of the most beautiful, most cleansing, most healing things you can do. So let yourself cry when you feel it.
Not all crying is bad. Sometimes we cry for joy. Sometimes we cry just because it's so deep and poignant. And that is so important!
Romana Aniya: No crying is bad.
John: No, crying is bad, indeed!
It's a way of releasing. It's a way of feeling, and feeling is so important!
We talked about that in our last session, in the questions and answers. It's so important to let yourself feel!
It feels overwhelming because you're so afraid of feeling, of expressing the feeling, of letting yourself cry, or sometimes of letting yourself be angry. Or whatever it is. And loving yourself means letting it out when it needs to come out.
However the feelings need to come out, let them.
So, more?
Romana Aniya: Yeah, I'm just saying yes. Feeling is the door to our heart, and to love, and to Soul.
John: Indeed.
Romana Aniya: And tears cleanse the way, like pearls, like sacred waters from our heart and our eyes, making the path for the light to come in.
John: Yes.
So, this session... Oh, we'll see when we're done with it, but I feel like we're going to call it Homecoming. Because that's what it is about.
So, again, get comfortable.
I'm going to bring in Master Anna to start off, and Romana Aniya, her soul, is going to be here as well.
We’re going to do this session together. We're still getting used to doing such deep things together, and it's a wonderful thing!
So again, get comfortable.
Take a deep breath.
Continue to breathe deeply.
Romana Aniya: Yeah, for this session it's really recommendable to maybe close your eyes. To just be with yourself, maybe even lie down if you feel that. To create your space where you can really feel safe and free and comfortable.
Take a deep breath.
Take a deep breath all the way to your belly, and feel the softness, the lightness, of your soul.
The love of your soul being present. Being present in love and honor for you, as you, in you.
Just this feeling of eternity.
Just this feeling when time expands and it’s just you, your presence. Your sacred presence.
You, melting in the eternity and just feeling this peace where everything is okay.
Where everything just is.
Where you just are.
Just the I Am of you.
...
John: [overwhelmed with emotion]
I am that I am!
John, of Magical Service. The whole me.
Oh, Master Anna, Master John, Soul, Divinity, and many, many, many—well over a thousand—lifetimes, all together here.
The combined wisdom of so much experience, all together here.
It has been an honor for me to come in and to be recognized as Master Anna, but now it is time to bring it all together. And so, in our work going forward, we will simply be John of Magical Service.
And don't ask us what that means, because that's part of the mystery of being!
Romana Aniya: Welcome, John!
[laughter and tears]
John: Ahh...
Greetings, dear friends, once again as we come to come to the conclusion of this amazing class.
It has been two days since we channeled the question and answer session, and ever since then John's mind has been spinning: Why did we tell that silly story about Sono, ‘Thank you for everything, I have no complaints whatsoever.’ when the human has so many complaints?
But, you see, it's so important!
Oh, John worries that you'll all take it as another should, as something more to be ashamed about because you're not getting it right. And that's not the point. That's when you say, Thank you for everything. I have no complaints whatsoever! And mean it.
Because truly, that is your soul's perspective. And you are your soul, so it's the truth.
And there are many, many ANDs.
It's true that the human has a lot of complaints, because things have not gone the way the human thought they should for any of you. So many things have not worked out the way you thought they should. So many places you felt like a failure.
So, over the last couple of days John found himself spiraling down into deeper and deeper shame. What am I doing? Why aren't the things in my life working out the way I expect them to? Why does my body hurt so much?
Oh, so many things he could complain about!
And is this all just a bunch of bullshit?
Oh, I've spent so many lifetimes in the churches and the other religions, trying to find the truth. Sometimes thinking we found it and preaching it, and enforcing it. Oh, there is so much shame in that!
Most of you here, oh, in your lifetimes trying to find your truth, so many times you thought you did, and then you became the enforcer of that truth. And there is so much shame around that, and around the people you hurt. The people I hurt in those times.
But you see, your soul looks at all of that and says, “Thank you! Thank you so much! Because you, dear human, brought me the experience of knowing that part of me! And even now you are bringing me the experience of bringing it all together, of knowing all these parts of self. It was never a failure. It was never, ever bad. It was an experience, an experience of discovering self. So, thank you for everything. I, your soul, have no complaint whatsoever!”
But nevertheless, the human looks at it all and feels like a failure.
This morning Romana asked John how he was feeling, and he said, “I feel like I'm walking through this dark field of muck.” And indeed, that is the place you call your darkness, your shame.
John has been realizing something in the last couple of days: You could say that another word for shame is grief. You could say that that is even underneath the shame, for it began with the grief of leaving home and of separating yourself from your soul. For that part of you, your soul, stayed behind as you went off on this journey of self-discovery.
I stayed behind to hold the thread, so to speak, the cord, so you couldn't ultimately get lost. I stayed behind to receive the experiences that you had, to claim the wisdom from them, and to hold it all for you. I also stayed behind to hold the shame, and the grief, and all these things that you didn't know what to do with.
You were not able to hold those feelings. You were not able to face those parts of you. So your soul stayed behind to hold that.
And now, you are returning.
And part of that journey is to walk through this dark muck of shame and grief.
...
Romana Aniya: Yeah.
I had this experience today, also similar to John's, actually, of finding myself in a big, deep feeling of guilt, as I woke up from a dream. In the dream I was supporting somebody, believing that this person was doing something that felt good, felt right, and after a while I realized that I was actually supporting somebody who was abusing children.
That was in a dream, and I woke up and I realized how many lifetimes we are bringing back now, of when we have been doing things or supporting things and then realizing, oh, what did I do?
And I looked deeper into what is happening in the world right now, and has been happening for centuries, and it’s all these things happening all the time. And part of me, part of you, part of all of us, is constantly feeling that I did something wrong. And I don't even know what, sometimes.
Or I know what I did wrong, but in that moment I don’t really understand what John just said, that eventually everything is just an experience that we are going through. A game of duality, in which we played so many roles on so many different sides.
And then my soul came, in these feelings that I had with lots of grief, lots of hopelessness, and I felt this love. This place of brightness within me. And in the presence of this lightness, I realized that all is well.
It was like I really wanted to forgive myself. And in the presence of this love, of this unconditional love of my soul, I felt so much compassion for my human and for all these people that were involved in my dream.
And I realized that, when I remember my love, when I allow the presence of my soul, when all of us remember the soul, the love, then all these questions and all this sadness and guilt and shame eventually start to dissolve and evaporate from us, and from the human consciousness and mass consciousness.
So, today we would like to end our journey with an experience, with a journey through these feelings of muck.
John: Yeah.
Romana Aniya: Do you want to start?
...
John: So, we would ask you to turn within yourself.
Take a deep breath.
Turn within yourself, and look out across this dark, muddy, swampy field of muck.
You all have it. You know exactly what I'm talking about.
This muck and mud of shame, of grief, of pain.
Oh, you've been running from it for so long! But you've never been able to get away from it.
You can distract yourself for a moment here and there, but it's always still there. Still in the background.
And the thing is, it is always going to be there.
This isn't about getting rid of it.
It's part of you. It's part of your experience, part of your journey, part of your wisdom.
Hmm...
John doesn't really like saying that, but it's the truth.
So, now we ask you to face that muck, that darkness.
It's full of monsters. It's full of mosquitoes. It's full of all these horrible things, the worst you can imagine.
I ask you to face it, and to very deliberately begin to walk into it.
...
Just walk in, don't try to change it.
All these monsters are not going to destroy you. They already tried, but they can't. Because they are you.
You have nothing to fear here.
Soul is with you, so we ask you to walk into the muck.
We're going to be still here for a couple of minutes, so that you can feel it as you slowly walk forward, into it and through it.
...
...
Allow the feelings, the memories, the images. Whatever comes up, just allow them.
Don't analyze them. Don't try to figure out what they mean. Just allow them.
...
...
...
Continue to walk slowly through the muck.
You are safe here. You are not going to get stuck in it ever again.
...
It's dark here, and you hear strange sounds. Strange creatures. They are all part of you.
Everything here is part of you.
...
...
Romana Aniya: And they tell you all kinds of things.
How ugly you are.
How impotent you are.
What you did is so worthless.
Your life is having no meaning.
Whatever you do is not good enough.
...
All these things that your personal voices are telling you, just allow yourself to hear them in this safe space.
You have enough distance that you are aware that they cannot pull you into this black hole, but you allow yourself to hear them.
Your worst fears.
Your deepest guilt.
And sadness.
And criticism that is killing you, that is taking away the juice of your life. That is taking away the joy.
...
The worries that are squeezing you into this limited perception of yourself.
Just hear these voices and observe.
What are they talking about? What are they telling you?
...
...
John: Allow the feelings.
Whatever is coming up, just allow it.
...
Allow yourself to cry, to scream, whatever you need to do.
We’ll take a couple more minutes for you to feel you, every part of you.
...
And especially these dark parts.
This is not the time to rescue yourself by running back to the light parts and the good feeling parts.
No, we'll be back there soon enough. Right now is to feel this darkness.
The fear. The shame. The grief. All of it.
...
...
Romana Aniya: Maybe you can even feel it in your body, the shakiness of feeling insecure.
...
These little children that are coming to you, the little child of you.
...
Feelings of unsafety.
...
Just be there.
Just listen.
Just allow in this safe space.
Just allow yourself to feel what was hidden.
...
...
...
...
...
John: Hmm...
Look around you now.
Perhaps, it will seem a little lighter now. And if not, that's okay.
...
I ask you to move forward, gently.
...
You begin to become aware of something ahead of you.
You become aware of a being.
It might seem very dark to you, from this perspective.
...
...
As you approach, feel the love coming from this being.
...
And along with the dark, feel the light.
Oh, don't get involved in your mind trying to figure out how it could be both. You are both, and this being is you.
This being is your soul.
...
Feel its love.
Feel its welcome, as it sees you coming home.
...
You see, we've talked about this veil between you and your soul. And indeed, that veil was the shame and the grief.
You couldn't see your soul, and your soul, in some ways, couldn't see you, because there was so much shame in between.
And now, as you walk through this shame, not trying to get rid of it but simply accepting it as part of you, now you begin to see your soul. To feel her light.
...
Allow yourself to approach.
Allow her to wrap her arms around you, to welcome you home.
...
...
Romana Aniya: Allow yourself to feel this lightness of love, this presence.
...
Allow yourself to feel how you are loved.
Just this lightness, this frequency, this heartful frequency of lightness, of your soul.
Just allow yourself to feel it penetrating your whole body.
Just allow yourself to receive this lightness. To feel.
...
Just listen with your whole body, and surrender to this lightness, the love, the presence, the wisdom that your soul has.
Like a mother who loves you unconditionally. Your real mother, your inner mother, that is a safe space for you.
A place of acceptance, of complete acceptance.
...
Just allow yourself to feel this presence that is always there.
That never leaves you.
That always sees beauty in you.
That always can embrace you with total compassion.
That always understands you.
That always encourages you to be yourself, no matter what.
This is your soul.
...
Just be here in this feeling of lightness.
...
...
...
John: Mmm...
Feel the warmth, the light of your divinity.
...
Notice that your soul is no longer hugging you, or you it, because you have blended together.
You have become one!
...
...
Now, I invite you to turn.
Turn back once again and face that swamp, that muck that you just walked through.
As you do, notice how you are almost blinded by its light!
...
...
Now, maybe you can understand a little bit of what your soul has been watching and feeling.
All this experience, for you it felt so dark, but it is all part of your light!
Mmm...
And now, as you allow your human consciousness to blend with your soul's consciousness, look how it changes even more.
Instead of a blinding light or a terrifying darkness, it turns into this lush, green, beauty. This beautiful garden!
...
Because that, dear friend, is what you've been walking through.
...
Neither you nor your soul have been able to see the whole picture, because you were not whole in your awareness.
You the human saw what you call the failures, the shames, the fears, the terror, the grief.
Your soul saw the wisdom that came from that.
Only now, as you become truly one, can you see the whole picture and the incredible beauty of this garden. This incredible place where you have been discovering you.
Ahh... Take that in.
...
Do you see why we can't get rid of the shame?
...
We can't make it all go away. We can't get rid of the dark parts of life and make them all go away.
Because they are only one half of the whole experience, and if you get rid of the dark part you also get rid of the light part.
But when you blend them all together in your full divine consciousness, human and divine blended together, see how the picture changes.
It's all still there, all the light and all the darkness, but now it blends together into this incredible beauty that is you.
This incredible body of wisdom, of knowing, of experience.
Ahh... Let's bask in that for a few moments.
...
...
...
This, dear friend, is your grandness.
...
And now, as you continue to walk through your life as a human, as human and soul together, you'll find that the darkness is still there.
But now you have the light also, and that changes everything.
...
Now you can say, Thank you for everything. I have no complaints whatsoever!
...
Oh, at times the human will forget and it will scream, “I have all these complaints!”
And then you remember: You are soul!
And Soul replies, “Thank you for everything. I have no complaints whatsoever! Because now, with you my dear human, I can see it all. I can see the beauty!”
...
Romana Aniya: And you don't need to be afraid that you will do anything wrong.
That you are not competent for what you are doing.
That your words might be heard wrong.
That you might hurt somebody.
And you don't need to worry all the time if you are going to be good, or be afraid that you are going to do something bad.
Because you are whole.
...
You are as you are.
You don't limit yourself into a good person or bad person.
Because if you are in your soul, if you open to your wholeness, you can see compassion and beauty in all these monsters, and stop being afraid of them.
Because you are so much more.
You just are, and you have a right to be who you are.
...
John: Ahh... Yes.
Now you can be you.
Now you can be all of you.
And when you forget just come back to this moment, this blending together of human and soul. Of human consciousness and soul consciousness.
Now you can both see the garden.
...
You can be you in this garden, because it is all yours!
Even if you see others in it, that is their garden.
...
Even if their humans seem so stuck in their shame and their darkness, look again through your soul's eyes and you will see the incredible garden that they are walking through, that they are creating, that they are discovering!
And then you won't be so quick to try to save them, or to do battle with them.
Romana Aniya: Or to judge them.
John: Or to judge them.
Because now you see the beauty.
Now you see the grandness of the whole experience, of the dark combined with the light.
...
Have you ever noticed that the most beautiful time of your day is when the sun is low in the sky, where it's beginning to set or it's just rising, and the light and the dark are blended together like no other time? And sometimes it just stops you in your tracks, the incredible beauty of those moments.
Well, that is how life is for you now, if you are willing to blend with your soul and to look through its eyes.
...
Romana Aniya: And then you can walk in the lightest and the darkest part of your landscape with grace, and observe whatever is there, whoever is there, without fear. Without judgment.
With understanding.
With the consciousness of your soul, of you.
...
John: Mmm...
And when you forget, as you will because part of this garden is forgetting, now you can remember.
When you notice you're getting stuck in some muck again you can just pause, take a deep breath, and come back to your soul's consciousness.
It's right here! And there will never, ever, ever again be such a separation between you and your soul.
...
Your soul is here now.
And your soul can see now too, because you have allowed your consciousness to blend with its consciousness.
Now it can understand much better what is happening in your life.
...
And now you can see from its perspective, and you can let go of your battles.
Your battles against all those shadows, that only seemed like shadows.
They only seemed scary and dark and evil. And now you can stop fighting with them, because you see them for what they are. As the incredibly beautiful parts of this garden, and of yourself.
...
And as you stop fighting them, as part of blending your consciousness with your soul, your soul becomes aware of the details of your life like it has never been able to before.
And you become aware of the incredible beauty of your life, and of why you are going through it.
...
Oh, so many of you ask—you ask in your mind—why am I here? Why am I going through all of this?
Maybe now, in the blended consciousness of you and your soul, you can feel why.
...
Don't try to analyze it. Don't try to turn it into words or make it make sense. Just feel it.
Feel the beauty of your garden, and why you are here.
...
And now, perhaps you can understand why we needed to take you on this journey deep into the shame.
It's like the elephant in the room that nobody has wanted to talk about.
But making peace with that shame—not getting rid of it, not fighting it, not releasing it—but making peace with it, allows you to see through your soul's eyes and discover the whole picture.
Mmm...
Romana Aniya: I would invite you also, if you want, if you choose:
After this session, or tomorrow or whenever you feel, come back. Go back to your list of the things that you wrote that you are ashamed of and look at all those things with the eyes of you, of your soul, of your blended human and soul, and read them aloud.
And, instead of starting the sentence with “I am ashamed of this,” you can say, “I am at peace with this.” Or even, “I am proud of this.”
...
Look at those things that you wrote with these eyes of your soul, that sometimes I imagine as a mother or father, an inner place of security, of love, of acceptance, and say, like the most proud parents would say to their child, “I am at peace with this. I am okay with this. I am so proud of you!”
...
John: Mmm... Indeed. Indeed!
And we would add that, your soul is the other half of you. And it is so proud of you, and now maybe you can be proud of it.
And it takes the vision of both halves.
Well, ‘halves’ is much too dualistic a term, but it's what we have so feel our meaning here.
It takes the wisdom of both looking together, both the light and the dark, to see the beauty.
...
This is why we say to some of you, please step back from your mind.
We are not getting rid of your mind, but your mind cannot blend its consciousness with soul. This is something you, the human, have to do, and then the mind, little by little, will begin to understand.
But only after it steps back and allows this blending with a consciousness that simply does not fit in the mind.
Romana Aniya: And I would invite you to, as we, metaphorically speaking, say...
As John said, half of you is human, half of you is soul. (Don't take that literally.)
But maybe, if you choose, you can make this little thing now:
Imagine your soul and human standing in front of each other.
And your divinity, your soul, says to the human, “I honor you.”
And the human says to Soul, “I honor you, and I will never again be ashamed of you. I will accept you in my life. I will speak freely about you.”
...
There has been so much shame about recognizing our soul also, as well as the human, so I invite you to allow your human and soul to make peace with each other and to realize that they can be companions.
That they can respect each other, and they can walk this walk of divine human, your walk, your earthly experience, together in honor. In love and proud of each other.
...
John: Indeed. Ahh...
You see, from the human perspective soul has always seemed so dark.
Oh, that seems like a contradiction, because the human thinks of soul as this light, loving being.
But everything about soul has seemed so dark to the human, because it held your darkness. It held the things that you didn't know what to do with. It held the grief. It held the shame. It held all those parts of you that you didn't like.
And that is why, oh, approximately twenty years ago, a group of us said to ourselves through the dear master Tobias, “Your darkness is your divinity. And it loves you that much, that it could hold all of that.”
...
So now, yes, you the human have a role to play in this grand reunion.
You have to choose to look into that darkness, and to welcome it home.
To honor it.
To honor everything about yourself that you feel so ashamed of, every experience that brought so much grief and so much pain.
To simply honor it and welcome it home.
...
Oh, you don't have to go find those things and individually speak with them.
Just allow yourself to feel whatever comes up, and welcome it home.
In that, you find your soul.
In that, you blend together.
...
Romana Aniya: And honor also the light of your soul.
John: Indeed!
Romana Aniya: The gentleness, the lovingness, the quietness, the kindness. All these qualities that many times are so dishonored in our society and in everyday life.
Honor your Divinity also, in its lightness.
...
John: Mmm...
But especially, honor you!
And let's begin to speak of self, rather than soul and human.
Your soul is here now.
This reunion is complete. It is done. Now we ae just experiencing it.
Mmm...
...
So, keep coming back to that.
If you forget, come back to this experience. It'll be available here, for this class does not expire.
Come back to this experience and remember, remind yourself, that you are divine. You are divinity itself.
And now, perhaps, you can see a little bit of what that means.
...
We honor you. We bless you. We are so grateful that you joined us on this incredible journey. It has been such a journey for us, too!
Romana Aniya: Yeah.
There is one legend or story from Greek mythology, where Persephone is in the very deep temple, underground. And very rare are those who are courageous enough, and so eager to find the wholeness of themselves, to walk this difficult path all the way through the darkness to this sanctuary underneath, where Persephone lives.
And when they come to her, when they finally find her, she greets them with so much love and joy and gratefulness that they found her. She greets them with gentleness and lightness, as they realize that the greatest lightness is deep, is found deep, deep in this underground.
And as the story goes, when they find her, they go again back to their real life, their everyday life, with this lightness within. And they walk the earth like they have always known this lightness in the heart, and with a smile in their eyes.
...
So, thank you so much for your courage to go on this deep journey into the underworld with us! And we are coming now back to our human lives with so much more of us, with so much more love for ourselves.
And I wish you a beautiful, magnificent and joyful journey, with lots of laughter and lots of tears of joy and of sadness!
Because now we don't need to be afraid of any of that, or ashamed of anything.
John: Yes.
Ah, yes! The human tries so hard to avoid that journey underground. That journey into feeling, into the messiness of feeling all of that darkness and shame inside.
But that is where your soul is.
That is where you discover life.
That is where you begin to see the beauty of this incredible garden that you are actually walking through.
That is where you find freedom.
That is where you find you.
That is where you discover your own love for self.
Ahh...
...
Thank you again for joining us here. We wish you the best!
And so it is.
Romana Aniya: Yeah, and we wish you a beautiful new life in your new love!
John: Yes!
Romana Aniya: And so it is.
John: Blessings.
Romana Aniya: Blessings and good luck!
John: Ahh... No luck involved, but yes. Much beauty!
Romana Aniya: Much beauty!
[much happy laughter, and a kiss]
And to you, too. [to John]
John: And to you too! [to Romana]
Copyright © 2025 by John McCurdy and Romana Ercegović. All rights reserved.