The Roots of the Shame

I am that I am!

Master Anna, of Magical Service.

Mmm...

Welcome back, dear friend, to our class on love! The new love. The new magic.

Ahh...

So, let's take a look at where shame came from.

Oh, shame is everywhere. You think of it as this human thing, but even more, it is an angelic thing. It goes all the way back, from the human perspective, to the beginning of all things.

Mmm...

So, let's feel.

Close your eyes if you are comfortable, and let's take a little journey.

Allow your awareness to float back in time.

Time, this amazing human construct that allows such incredible experiences!

Ah, but let's go back. Back before time existed.

Feel yourself there.

It is not a place. It is not a time. It is just you.

Just you.

You had no body.

You didn't even have a light body, or an energetic body.

You were just you.

Pure consciousness.

Pure awareness.

We like that word, because it is more descriptive.

You were simply awareness.

No thing, no place, no time.

Just awareness.

Oh, the human mind jumps up and says, “Awareness of what?”

Hmm...

Just awareness, dear mind.

There was nothing to be aware of, except you and your awareness

And at one point, as you pondered your own awareness of your awareness you said, “Who am I? What am I? I exist, I'm aware I exist, but what am I? Who am I?”

Hmm...

Well, in that moment, because the nature of creation is that every question has an answer... And that is true in your human life as well. Every question has an answer. Even if you haven't let yourself become aware of that answer yet, it is there.

So, here you were. Who am I? What am I?

In that moment you saw yourself, like in a mirror image. Oh, but you saw the whole you. The incredible, amazing, whole you!

Oh, the human mind thinks of bodies and fancy robes and all these things, but the human has no idea of what simple awareness really means.

So you looked within yourself. You saw your own awareness and, you could say, you said, “What is this that I am aware of?”

And then your reality seemed to explode.

Mmm...

Some have called it ‘the wall of fire,’ this thing you went through that seemed to rip you into all these tiny, tiny pieces. It shredded you. But you see, it was just you going into your imagination.

For you see, that is the essence of awareness. Imagination.

Even as humans, you can go into your imagination and you can create an experience there that is just as real, just as sensual, as any experience you can create in the outside world. Or what you call the outside world.

Not many people do that, but you can. Some do.

Oh, some get lost there, and they end up in the mental hospitals because they can't tell the difference between their imagination and their human life. What they don't understand, and what their doctors don't understand, is that it is all the same.

Mmm...

So, you dove into your imagination.

Oh, at first it was this excruciating experience of being ripped apart into all these individual experiences, all these experiences that were within your imagination, just waiting to be experienced. And you ripped them all apart, so that you could go through them one by one.

Ah, but you see, after all that ripping apart you focused in on one little experience. And in that experience, in that focus, you forgot who you were and where you came from.

You focused in on this little experience. It felt like you were lost in a void with no one around you, nothing around you, just this blank void. You couldn't even touch yourself.

And then you felt something.

You felt your awareness, and you said, “I exist, but I don't know where I am or where I came from or what happened to me. I must have done something really, really bad to get thrown out of my home!”

For that's how you felt. You had a feeling memory of being at home with yourself, of the bliss of being fully united with all of you, but you didn't know what that meant. You didn't know what that feeling was. All you knew was it felt like you had lost something, something important, and you must have done something bad for that to happen.

And that, dear friend, was the beginning of shame.

You felt shame within yourself and you said, “I must be a bad being, whatever that is. But I must be a bad one to find myself lost here.”

And indeed, for a time you felt that you really were lost. You felt that you were just going to fade away into oblivion. But you see, you can't.

Oh, humans feel that so often. They are so ashamed, and sometimes they want to just fade away into oblivion so they don't have to deal with the shame anymore. But you can't.

You exist, and that is the one unarguable, incontrovertible truth of all that is. I exist.

Mmm...

And so you floated in the void, feeling ashamed and wondering what to do next.

You didn't even remember that this was your imagination, but pretty soon it started to activate, you could say. You started to imagine something, and suddenly there it was! A star, burning right next to you! Or whatever else...

There are so many nearly uncountable experiences, potential experiences, within you, and all they needed was your imagination of them. Your opening to them, so to speak.

Well, you started to imagine things, different things, and they popped into place. Suddenly it was like an explosion, and a whole universe came into being! Because that's what you happened to imagine.

But you did not understand.

And then the universe started to take on a life of its own. The stars started crashing together and exploding and collapsing and changing, and you started to freak out. “What's happening? What's happening to my creation?” And it all collapsed back down into the void.

And you thought, what did I do wrong? I don't even know what I did, but what's wrong with me?

Hmm...

Slowly you moved forward and created more, but you still didn't understand what was happening.

A moment came when you heard a song, a melody from somewhere, and you went to investigate. It was beautiful! It was unique! It was very different from you!

You went to investigate, and you found another being like you, also focused tightly into their own creation, and you became aware of each other.

Oh, you couldn't really touch each other yet, but you became aware. You could hear their song, and they could hear your song. You didn't even know you were singing one!

You became aware of each other, and you watched them creating and going through the same process you had gone through. And you thought, “Maybe this being knows the way home!”

Mmm...

You found a way, through the song, to communicate with them, and they said, “No, I was hoping you knew the way!”

At first you just felt more shame, but it felt a little better that somebody had joined you in that shame.

And then you thought, “But they seem like they are creating better than me. How are they doing that? Maybe they are not telling me the truth. Maybe they do know the way home, or at least they know something I don't.” And so you lashed out.

You attacked them, in a sense, and said, “Tell me what you know!”

And they said, “I don't know anything. Tell me what you know!” And suddenly you had a battle going on. But of course you couldn't win, for nobody can ever win, in any battle. Nobody ever wins.

You are all sovereign creator beings, and each one is creating their own reality. There is something about the song that allows you to communicate, that allows you to see, and in a sense to recreate, what another is creating, and that eventually evolved into what you call mass-consciousness. But everything you experience is still YOUR creation.

So finally you stepped back from the battle, both of you exhausted and frustrated and feeling so much more shame. You were hurting, and you had hurt them.

Oh, there is no lasting hurt in who you truly are. But it felt like it, for a time, and you felt even more ashamed.

This went on, as more and more beings became aware of each other and this thing you call mass-consciousness, this communications network, expanded and evolved.

The battles expanded and evolved, because every one of these beings had its own ideas, and nobody could win.

Oh, sometimes you ran across a being who thought a lot like you did, and you came together as friends for mutual support and protection. And for hunting.

Searching, always searching for the way home, and all the time the shame was increasing.

Every time you felt like you failed, every time you hurt someone else, more shame. And more shame.

Finally, after... Oh, it was before time, but there was still a sequence, and after what you would call eons, even though it was kind of all in a breath, you came to this place where there was so much shame.

And you see, shame saps your energy. It feeds on your energy.

Some of you have heard about energy feeding, and how you feed on other people's energies. Really you are feeding on your own energies, and it is your shame that is doing the feeding.

And the energy feeding and the shame compounds. You feed on somebody's energy and then you feel ashamed of that, and then you feel hungrier. That shame is so hungry!

You know this. You have felt it in yourself in this lifetime, in this body. The shame makes you hungry, and then you have to get more. You have to feed on more energy.

Basically, you are feeding on the shame. And it just compounds on itself, deeper and deeper, more and more, and it saps your strength. It saps your health. It saps your vitality.

Until, at some point, there was so much shame among the angels that their creation was barely working.

You see, when you first came into this reality you could create anything you could imagine. You could pop it into existence even faster than you could consciously imagine it. It was just there!

But now there was so much shame that it sapped your energy, and your creations were taking more and more and more time.

Perhaps that is even where the concept of time came into being, because your creations were taking so long. Everything was coming to a standstill and everybody was getting scared, because nobody knew what would happen.

Would we simply go out of existence?

Well, now we know that isn't possible, but back then we did not know that.

So, finally the angels got together. All of you. You had formed into families at that point, and you came to this meeting as representatives of your families.

Yes, every one of you listening to this message, you were there. You were the leaders of your families.

You came to this meeting to try to understand, and you said, “We have to do something!”

There were a lot of different proposals for what to do to try to understand, and one of those proposals was to create a planet in an empty corner of a far off universe. A planet where you could go and slow things way down, and replay your experiences until you could understand how all this energy works, how your creation works, and how your interactions with these others work. So, Earth was created.

Mmm...

One of your group volunteered to embody herself into this planet that you call Earth. You call her Gaia, and with the help of many of you, she infused her consciousness into this dead rock and brought it to life.

Oh, it took a long, long time in human terms, and all of you were there helping and evolving this creation. And imagining it expanding, better and better, fuller and richer, until finally a point came where there were these creatures walking around on the planet. Creatures of Gaia.

And Gaia said, “It is time. Come, embody yourselves into these creatures!”

And so you did. Oh, you compressed yourself down into this very, very dense reality, and you embodied into your first creature.

Well, first you floated around, in particular with the whales and the dolphins and the creatures in the ocean. It was easier. You didn't take them over, but you floated around with them. And indeed, that is why you often feel such a resonance with them. They were your first experience of life on Earth.

But then, that wasn't enough. You wanted to actually be these creatures, and so you would pick a creature and infuse your consciousness into it. And you would be that creature.

At first it didn't last very long. It was difficult for you, and it was difficult for the creature and it just didn't last very long, and you would be back out. But over time, over millions of your years, you learned how to embody yourself, how to infuse yourself into a creature. And you would ride around, you would be that creature for a period of time, until it died. And then you would come back.

Oh, you only came back part way, though. It was too much, it was too difficult to compress yourself down so much, and there was a gravity here on this planet that wouldn't let you leave completely. It held you in.

And that was by design. Because you didn't want to be able to leave until the solution was found, so you designed it to hold you in. One of these creatures would die and you would pop back out. You would be non-physical, but you would still be connected to Earth. And then you would come back into another creature.

Eventually the group of you decided that you needed some standardization, and in the times of what you call Atlantis, you agreed upon a particular body type. And you evolved it, changed it, and perfected it, you thought. You called it ‘human.’

Well, that's your modern word for it. You called it other things back then, but it is what your modern human is.

You came into this body, and you brought in so much of you. But you also... As part of the compressing yourself into these bodies, and also by design, you forgot who you were and where you came from.

Oh, you could always feel that you were somehow more than this body, and you could always feel the weight of that shame that you had collected over so many eons and experiences. You could feel the weight of it. You didn't know what it was, but you could feel it.

You began to explore this planet. You began to interact with others. You came together with some of your friends. You also discovered many of your enemies, and you began to battle with them.

Ahh...

Earlier human societies were very, very violent. You have all these nostalgic feelings of them, of how simple life must have been.

Well, yes, it was very simple to stick a spear into somebody else and get them out of your hair. It was a very, very violent time!

Fortunately, there weren't so many of you. There were great populations at times, and especially in the beginning you found a semblance of peace. But even that blew up into more wars and battles, until finally you essentially destroyed a big portion of life on Earth. You call it ‘the fall of Atlantis.’

Then you took some time and let the earth reset itself, and then you came back and did it some more. You built a new society.

And now, you are finally beginning to understand. Only in the last two or three thousand years have you begun to get a sense of how energy works.

Some began to remember who they are. A very few fully remembered, and they, well, they either died or they vaporized in a flash of light, because their consciousness simply couldn't be held in this environment. You call them ascended masters, but they are just angels like you who have been human like you, and who finally remembered themselves. That's all they are.

But in their remembering they opened up their consciousness again, and now they understand the answer that Earth was created to find. And now, more and more of you are coming into this realization, this remembrance.

You are doing it a little bit different now, because the energies have changed. The energies of Earth and of humanity have changed, and now it is possible to bring that level of consciousness and remembrance here to Earth and to live here as a fully conscious, fully aware, angelic being.

Yes, you still have a body, but it is changing. It is becoming more fluid.

And here you are.

The solution has been found, dear friends, but it took a long, long journey on Earth to find it.

Hmm...

It took humans to discover love, and what it means. But at first that created even more drama, and you had something more to fight over. Now you had an even deeper reason to fight.

And love, for every joy it brought, also brought intense pain. You all know what it feels like to fall in love with someone, and then have that love ripped apart. And oh, the shame! The shame you feel then is so deep, so horrible, and so intense.

So, all of this time you've been going deeper and deeper and deeper into shame.

Until now.

Now, just in the last few years of your time, a new understanding has come in. The true solution to everything. It sounds mundane, but it is the solution to everything!

We call it Self-Love. The New Love.

Some call it Love 2.0, and it changes everything.

It changes everything in your life. It attracts a whole different set of experiences into your imagination, and from there into your experience.

Mmm...

It is the key to moving the energies again.

It is the key to the wars and the battles and the violence and the power struggles.

For, you see, power always was an illusion. But only when you love yourself can you see that and feel that.

You see, all of this drama, all of this shame, all of this energy stealing, it all comes from the shame.

In a sense, you could say it comes from the forgetting of who you are, but that was an unavoidable part of discovering who you are.

Mmm...

Oh, now the human goes, “I feel so much shame. How do I get rid of it?”

And there you pile more shame deep into yourself. It doesn't work.

No, what works now is the light of consciousness, the light of self-love, that can take that shame and say, “Thank you Me, for holding those parts of me that I couldn't face. Now it is time. Now it is time to bring them forth and to wrap my arms around them, to bring them home, to bring them into my heart.”

No, you cannot get rid of shame. But in loving yourself, you can love it right back home.

And this is where we are, dear friend. We are learning to love ourselves, to bring that shame home. Not to get rid of it, not even to release it. To welcome it home.

To welcome home these parts of us, these aspects that we've run from for so long, that we've hidden away from.

Oh, these feelings, these emotions, we have all been running from them! We don't like to feel them. We don't like to see them, and we certainly don't like anyone else to see us feeling them. And we pile shame on top of shame on top of shame, trying to push them down and hold them back.

Now it is time.

Now it is time to welcome them home.

Now it is time to love them, to love all of these parts of us.

Are you ready, dear friend?

...

Many humans are not. Many humans will say, “Well, that part of me was too bad. I can't forgive it. I won't forgive it.”

And that is okay, but you will be stuck in that place until you are finally ready to welcome that part of you home.

You see, forgiveness... Oh, it has become another one of your dirty words, because the way it is usually used is all about shame.

But true forgiveness is about taking the shame off of it and saying, “You are part of me. You lived a very important experience on my behalf, and so with the greatest of honor and the greatest of love, I welcome you home.”

Mmm...

You are going to feel things as you do that.

You are already doing that. Your soul is doing that, but your soul is you.

And even as your soul does that, you feel things.

It is what you've been feeling lately. All these crazy things in your life and in your body and in your feelings, it is these parts of you coming home, and being welcomed home by you and your soul.

You see, there are far too many of them for the human to think about each one, and you don't need to do that. You just need to allow it to happen, to allow the feelings that come up, and to allow the flow of your life instead of trying to control it.

Oh, that’s another difficult one for humans, and for angels too!

The key is to love yourself, all of you, just the way you are.

To love every part of you, just the way it is.

Mmm...

So, we are going to pause here. We urge you to take a break, and do not just go on to the next session until you have taken some time to integrate this one. At least an hour or two.

Indeed, John is going to go get some lunch. And whatever time of day it is for you, take some time.

Feel into this.

Don't think about it so much. Just let the feelings flow through you, whatever they are.

Stop running from them. Let yourself have them.

Let yourself cry if you need to. Crying is a good thing, and there has been so much shame put on crying. But crying is a beautiful thing. It helps you clear, and cleanse. It helps these energies move. It helps the shame come home. It helps your own divinity to come into your experience and your life.

Mmm...

So, take some time and let yourself feel, and we will return.

Blessings, dear friend!

And so it is.